have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
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