My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
