does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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