john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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