I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
