Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
