Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's blow job season.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
