Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We got so high we made milksteak
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
