I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Randomize
