I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
