I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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