My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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