I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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