Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
