Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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