just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
