i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
