can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
