My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
