I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
