erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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