When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
