Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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