I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
