coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
someone owes me an orgasm
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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