he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
