for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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