the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
