My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
