cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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