I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize