do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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