just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
