hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
