I wannas sexs uuuuu
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
