she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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