haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
