in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize