I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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