you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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