I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Even my vagina gasped.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
