last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
