I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The power of my boobs compel you
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
