His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
