i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
