And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
