i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize