You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
