So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
