Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
