1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
