So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
