So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
