Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
