I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
