I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Don't EVER smell your tampon
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
