Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
