dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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