I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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