i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
