I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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