Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
