If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
