the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
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