Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
