how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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