Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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