You work out of a Hotel?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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