Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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