remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
