Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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