I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
either way he was missing a nipple.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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