I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
