Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
