i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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