dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
