Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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