Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's just like the Real World with babies
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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