i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
