Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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