I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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