It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
